What Makes You Steady?

Blog Post #4 in the Goal Setting for Liberation Series

Recently, amidst a lot of overwhelm, I’ve been wondering:
What anchors me? What helps me stay steady—not just in theory, but in practice?

As I continue healing from chronic illness, I’m often invited—by practitioners, or by my own body—to notice what brings me even a little bit of joy or ease. And as I watch other people navigate unimaginable things, I find myself wondering, too:
What helps them stay steady? What holds them up?

I don’t have neat answers. But I’m starting to return to that question—not as a prompt for performance or optimization, but as a quiet inquiry:
What makes me steady, so I can keep showing up for what I care about?

One thing that helps me feel steady—and I’m not sharing this as advice, just as a window into something that works for me—is not doing anything for anyone else in the first 20 minutes after I wake up. Or 30–45 minutes, if I can swing it.

I don’t make breakfast. I don’t answer questions about the day. I don’t return texts or read a book aloud to my child. I try not to take care of anyone but myself. And I know that might not be possible for everyone—it wasn’t possible for me for many years. But now that it is some days, even just barely, I protect it.

Because if I don’t have that time, I often find it takes me hours to recover from the overwhelm—and, honestly, the resentment—that comes from being needed the moment I open my eyes. I’ve always been this way. 

Some people pop up in the morning ready to connect. But for me, even sweet conversation feels like caregiving when what I really want is quiet.

What this looks like in our home isn’t the romantic version where I rise before the household and sip tea as the sun rises. That’s not logistically possible for me right now. I wake up with my child—who’s nine—and the day begins immediately.

Yes, technically I’m still “doing things” for them: chatting, laughing at their attempts to lick my eyeball, negotiating who gets the bathroom first, fielding complaints about screen time.

But even then, I say aloud:
“I need 20 minutes to myself before I can help you with that.”

And every time I say it, I feel powerful. Affirmed. Clear. It’s a boundary I’m learning to hold.

Sometimes that means my child gets screen time right away so I can drink some coffee and write for a few minutes. Other times, I say:
“You can hang out with me while I read a section from my book.”

Right now one book I’m reading is The Book of Alchemy (by Suleika Jaouad), which includes 100 short reflections followed by a journal prompt. I have always loved journaling. It is my number one favorite thing to do first thing in the morning and I had gotten away from it for years for a variety of reasons. But truly it is helping me be steady. Jaouad’s book is extra affirming because the passages are written by other people who also love journaling so I feel in community with my people when I read it. 

Right now, asking “What makes me steady?” might feel like a strange or even selfish question.

People are starving. Bombs are falling. Policies are stripping away rights. It’s hard to justify turning inward when the world is in so much pain.

So this question—what helps me steady myself?—isn’t about choosing self-reflection over action. It’s about being able to stay focused during the day on the things that matter to me, which includes the fact that I matter to myself. There isn’t anyone keeping me as keenly in their focus as I am doing for myself.  One lesson from chronic illness is how vital it is that I’m do my main job of tending to myself.

I share these thoughts because I’ve decided to keep writing and sharing my work and process related to goal setting — and in this case I’m talking about the goal of staying connected to yourself. And of committing to keeping yourself steady as a priority. Goal setting was once a lifeline for me - a way I made sense of my life (more about that in future blogs) and today is a combination of a joy and a tool that I still use for coping and organizing. 

I hope, should it be something you want, that you keep finding what steadies you.

I write blog posts like this every so often— I’m also planning a few small workshops this year for folks who want to practice Goal Setting for Liberation in community.

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In solidarity,
Paula / Pixel